Jenny Hockey Poetry

ON ACTIVATING YOUR INSTRUMENT FOR THE FIRST TIME

 

Please familiarize yourself with both this User Guide and the IFU before using your instrument

 

Your own voice might sound echoey or strange.  Your brain will adjust.

 

If your hair has retained capacity, expect to hear it moving about.

 

If wildlife in your area has survived environmental degradation, expect to find birdsong a bit much.

 

If you are in the company of younger people, insert your instrument furtively.

 

If you practise a faith, you may hear inspirational words when angels are ministering in your area.

 

Remain alert to the sound of God breathing.  Talk to your doctor or pharmacist if its volume increases.

 

You may find the sensation of a plastic plug in your ear canal unpleasant. We can only apologise for this. There may be times when it is helpful to tear out your instrument and throw it in a pond. The risk of choking a duck varies with age, but you will feel a lot better.

 

When meeting someone you never really liked, you may find it helpful to remove your instrument. Even if you actually like them a little bit.

 

If for any reason you have lost sensation or flexibility in your fingers – e.g. through keyboard overuse   or washing up, you may have difficulty manipulating the cleaning tool and replacing the batteries. Both are extremely small. You may experience this as the last straw.

 

You may still struggle to hear even while listening with your instrument in place, especially when you are in lots of background noise or a large group. Talk to your doctor or pharmacist about this and consider more solitary pursuits.